You wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see a sane, rational human being. Presumably that’s what everyone thinks they see. And yet we all know the world is chock-full of dribbling cretins. Here are a few indicators that, far from being the most sensible person you know, you may actually be a fucking idiot…
1. You’re worried about immunising your child against various dangerous diseases because you believed Jim Carey/Jenny McCarthy/the Daily Mail when they said that vaccines cause autism.
2. You gave a shit on any level at all that Nick Griffen was appearing on Question Time. (Give yourself 2 points if you also thought that hardcore BNP supporters might have been dissuaded from their beliefs by an argument mounted by a left-wing black American woman)
3. You were surprised and appalled by the ‘revelation’ that MPs play fast and loose with their expense claims.
4. You think that the signing of the Lisbon Treaty means “the end of England” and that this is in some way a bad thing.
5. You have ever put a “BeatCancer” hashtag on one of your tweets (as if the only reason we haven’t found a cure yet is because not enough people were reminding scientists to look for one).
6. You’ve ever fired a science advisor for stating scientific facts (admittedly, that may not be many of you).
7. You thought Season 7 of The West Wing was a return to form.
8. You’ve ever said that the shopping in Leeds and/or Brighton is “just as good as London”.
9. You’re optimistic about Windows 7.
10. You’ve ever written a list-based blog post.
UPDATE: For your listening pleasure, I have experimented with attaching a song to this post. How nice am I?!
Christopher
4 months ago
I am so excited to find out that I am not a fucking idiot.
I don’t care about most of the items on this list.
I wouldn’t fuck Jenny McCarthy, who knows what kind of diseases she has. Taking advice from her is completely out of the question.
Windows 7 came out?
People still watch the West Wing?
Damn, it I think I just made list. Does it count if it is in the comments section?
sarah
4 months ago
You forgot the tossers that need to point out their own wit by adding LOL or ROFL after everything they write…
Julian
4 months ago
I think that’s a separate post all of its own…
Christopher
4 months ago
or don’t read their comments before posting and sound like an idiot (pointing finger at myself).
Julian
4 months ago
I have no idea what you’re going on about, but it sounds pretty dumb
Damien Child
4 months ago
I fuckin miss you. LOL!!!
Julian
4 months ago
Hahaha You don’t even remember me. ROFL LMAO.
sarah
4 months ago
You two just made me sick up a bit in my mouth….
Julian
4 months ago
Oh Christ, is this comments board about to turn into Twitter?!
Julirose
4 months ago
If that’s what it takes to get you back on twitter… maybe.
Claire
4 months ago
What is with lists lately? Twitter lists, blog lists. I’m making a shopping list. Need anything
Julian
4 months ago
Vodka, cigarettes and inspiration
Lucy Dawson
4 months ago
Huh. I got 2 points for reason 2. Are you calling me a fucking idiot you idiot?
Julian
4 months ago
Please tell me you didn’t think the kind of fucktards who vote BNP were going to be swayed by Bonnie fucking Greer?!
Lucy Dawson
4 months ago
Course not. The point was to make him look an idiot, (for the benefit of the ‘unsures’), not sway any BNP supporter’s opinion (impossible as not open to reason). And she did well – she made people laugh at him. Out loud. Idiot. (Him, not you
)
Karen Redman
4 months ago
Am relieved that I couldn’t tick any of the items on your list! Am also upset that you’re no longer on Twitter so I’ve skipped over to your blog to say that I thought the opening episode to the new series of Spooks was cracking. There’s been a lot of interest in it on Twitter … all of it complimentary. Now, do I pace myself until next Wednesday or give in to my desire to see the next episode as quickly as possible and watch on Friday? So enjoying it. Knew that I would! x
Kaiser Saucy
4 months ago
You’re all gay.
Julian
4 months ago
That may well be true.
nicktionary
4 months ago
I am filled with joy; I am not a fucking idiot.
Mari
4 months ago
Great list, I’m so glad I am not a fucking idiot!
Although I must admit I did once put #BeatCancer in a tweet when all the ladies were flashing cleavage for boob cancer, but only so that I could make a crude joke about men flashing their balls for testicular cancer
btw you are showing me up with your current blog activity. I need to go make a list based blog post ASAP.
Ken Armstrong
4 months ago
It’s all going to just move over to here, isn’t it?
Cool.
Gavin
4 months ago
Hey, can I join in? What’s this, you left Twitter? Thought it’d been quiet. Too quiet…
PrecisionGrace
4 months ago
May I add, you are definitely an idiot if:
11. You ever referred to yourself in the third person, especially on Twitter, FB, Your Blog or in any other written form.
Christopher
4 months ago
why are you people hating on me. (I was going to make one of those little smile face things but I guessed that would make me a fucking idiot also).
kathleen
4 months ago
I think I was only guilty of the #beatcancer thing. Mostly because I do not live in England so it doesn’t really apply.
Lisa
4 months ago
Guilty only of hashtag & curiosity re Nick Griffin on QT. But am definitely a fucking idiot.
BLANKO
4 months ago
What’s galling is; by endlessly remonstrating with my other, sort of better half over question time, I was forced into a position of caring about it, on the grounds that one mustn’t care about it. An Idiot for not wanting to be an idiot? fucktard
joetheshmo
1 month ago
Who ever wrote this… is a fucking idiot!!!!!PEACE!